On love and loving

My parents recently celebrated their wedding anniversary and every time the do so, I am amazed. Two diverse personalities both look wise and nature wise have managed to stay together so long and whats more have raised three children and continue to guide and pamper them.

when I look back I don’t ever remember Papa ever getting any gifts for Amma. Just getting that occasional samosa, alu bonda while returning from plant was enough surprise to her and used to give her enough happiness. Rest fo the time she was happy to being a backbone to him, maintaining the family and being creative not only in the kitchen but also stitching, knitting, in the garden, teaching us etc. And thus helped him save money. I don’t remember her demanding anything. Whatever she demanded was for us. He in turn never demanded anything from her other than tasty food (and a variety of them :)).

So what kind of love was it, giftless, wordless. By wordless I mean never have I seen them expressing their love for each other. Once I had asked Mummy that she being beautiful; how she had agreed to marry him and she had replied that she had never noticed how he looked and when he had been asked that he being so knowledgeable had agreed to marry her , had replied that a home is not made up of looks or knowledge but of other qualities too which I will understand by and by. I won’t say that they never fought or never argued, they did but then they were always ready to forgive.

If I go a generation earlier my maternal grandparents were no better. I haven’t ever seen them talk but when they did they were in perfect tandem. I often wondered how. My grandma had said it was not always like that; but it became so because they took the time to understand each other and adapt themselves.

I won’t be a hypocrite and say that I don’t like getting flowers or gifts but when I see people do so and then see that later they break up, I often wonder that why did they bother to do so earlier.

Like my father said there are many other qualities for marriage than just looks or your accomplishments; patience, understanding, ability to forgive there is so much more.

Now why all these thoughts now? Saw a programme yesterday which was debating whether there should be a single day for celebrating love or love should be celebrated all year through. I won’t be judgmental but my take is that Love should be nurtured all year through but if there is a special day; whats wrong with it.

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And with this post I complete 200 posts. Thank you people for being with me so far.

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22 thoughts on “On love and loving

  1. Lovely 200th post! Actually very apt for today (as in 14th Feb and these times!). We all say that love has no definition but when it comes down to it we point our fingers in the other direction. Its very nice to hear abt our parents as they were …. fulfilled and satisfied with what they received, never any expectations…. made it so much better. These days expectations are what kill a relationship I think. Your post has put me in such a reflective mood about love Reema….. thank you !!

    • I was supposed to post tomorrow, but here there is a holiday tomorrow and so will not be getting any time on the comp and so posted today and it coincided with Valentines day. I agreeexpectations are what kills a relationship. We expect that our spouse will behave ina particular way, we expect that we will always be loved and pampered, we expect that he will always rememebr our special days, very conveniently forgetting that he/she too has expectations from us. And thats when the problem starts.
      BTW my husband brought me a vada pav today without my asking him to get one and believe me, I am on top of the world.
      Its the simple pleasures which give a lot of joy

  2. “Love should be nurtured all year through but if there is a special day; whats wrong with it.” Bingo, my thoughts exactly!

    I believe love deserves to be celebrated. My parents have never been too vocal about ‘love’ either. But if Dad happens to drop in a Valentine’s message to Mom or take her out to a dinner, her smile is worth a million dollars.

  3. I reiterate that the celebration of love must not be for commercial reasons and definitely not to show off or due to peer pressure. But, if your heart desires, go right ahead and celebrate it when you feel like doing it. Yes, eventually a lot of factors matter when two people live together. Yet, I am thankful that my hubby has good qualities including good looks. We complement each other when it comes to our behavioral traits, and I am happier that we are much more vocal and physical when it comes to showing our affection in front of others including our kids. This is different from how it was in my parent’s days too. Also, receiving flowers or gifts and later breaking up does not mean that the relationship was a sham. It could have disintegrated later. Your father is so right, there is so much more to make a marriage pleasurable as you have mentioned above. Now that I am married for 10 years, I can talk back with much more wisdom :). Congrats on your 200th post, btw.

    • Our generation unlike the arlier is more demonstrative Rachna and the coming generations will be definately more so. you are blessed to be with someone who complements u perfectly but many are not so.
      While referring to giving gifts and flowers, I had referred to those who do it just for the ‘show’ of it or maybe physical attraction. At one point of the time I too had been one who thought flowers, gifts are essential for showing love, today I understand better, yes I too have become wise. πŸ™‚
      Thanks Rachna

  4. Lovely post. Words have been used in simple style , but speaks volumes.

    Yes, at 60, I agree with you, we dont talk much,. The presence is enough to feel comfortable. But it all started with flowers and gifts!!

    Now, samosas and flowers are used to assert affection, after the various small quarrels. My children call it “drama couple” πŸ™‚

  5. Congratulations on your 200th post!! WOW what a feat… You have many following your posts. So never worry and just keep writing.

    I think words are just one way of expressing our love for another person isn’t it? When the person is faraway we need words to express. But when the person is closeby then unspoken words say it all. And you are right about the current generation being very vocal and demonstrative about their feelings. They are not shy to say anything, whereas, we are still very private about such feelings. That is sweet in a way. No harm in having a special day to celebrate love in a grand fashion with flowers and gifts. And why not? Declaring it in open is sure an ego boost for the receiving person. Of course nuture love throughout the year, but why not use this one day to do something special as a token for your love. Hope you had a great day!

  6. nothing wrong with celebrating love on special days instead we must try to find reasons to celebrate.Well our parents have their ways to express it and I respect their way of sharing relationship.Love has different language and people use it according to their choices.I just loved the post.great!

  7. What a fitting 200th post! Wish your parents many more happy years together. I agree with your take, what is wrong with having a specific day to celebrate love? congrats on your double century. We want a triple ton!

  8. Love is funny business πŸ™‚ people do silly things , bad things, good things , ANYTHING when in love …

    So even if the two are different personalities yet they can love each other as such they say different poles attract each other πŸ™‚

    congrats on the 200th post πŸ™‚ yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    Bikram’s

  9. Aunty is still beautiful. And outer beauty seeks inner beauty, right ? Congrats on finishing 200th post. Hav been wanting to write at leisure but hav to hav time for that !!

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