For better or for worse

Mrinalini or Meenu as she was commonly called had always known what she wanted and when she came and told her mother of the guy she wanted to marry, her mother conceded. Opposing would not have helped. Meenu was used to doing things her way anyways. Her father after meeting the guy however had doubts. The boy was the darling of his mother and sister. And what’s more he too had always had his way and he feared whether a marriage of two strong-minded persons was favorable or would it end up soon.

But when Shyama, Meenu’s mother said that it was no use objecting and it was better if they were married soon, Arvind, her husband raised his eyebrows.

Shyama said with some hesitation, she was worried that something may happen…

Like what, Arvind asked. She replied like…pregnancy. Arvind let out a sigh. Better to get them married, then let Meenu go for an abortion, Arvind thought and got them married.

Both Meenu and Raghav aka Rocky were very happy. They matched in their intelligence as well as emotional levels. And their attraction was so strong that they could melt a snowman.

But there were some glitches. Meenu did not like the togetherness  her in-laws had with her husband. He did not like that she had to have her way always and would not take anyones wishes ot opinion.

Love is blind and when reality comes in, romance gets a make over.

When Meenu found out she was pregnant, She was shocked. She was in the beginning of her career and how had she conceived when she had taken precautions. But then she had conceived hadn’t she, so she carried on. Good sense prevailed somehow.

Rohan came into their lives. And brought in endless joys accompanied with arguements and difference of opinions on parenting.

The small gaps in their marriage became fissures  and threatened to be cracks. Meenu did not understand why it was to be her who had to always take care of Rohan in the nights. While Rocky argued how he could feed Rohan. She believed that it was no need to always bundle up Rohan, while Rocky argued that Rohan may catch a cold and so on.

Meanwhile Rocky’s father expired and Rocky brought his mother home for a change. Now there was chaos. Rocky’s mother did not understand Meenu at all. The outspoken way Meenu spoke, her cooking, her style of raising Rohan, everything was alien. On her part Meenu would not bend too. Rocky feeling his mothers loneliness would always support her.

In this tumult, one day Arvind called his daughter and for the first time heard the worry in his daughter’s voice. A gentle probe and the complaints came tumbling out.

He sat down to have a word with Shyama but she was totally on the side of Meenu, without acknowledging the faults of their daughter.

Arvind knew if the marriage had to be saved, he had to intercept. Meenu and Rocky being strong-willed would not bend at all.

So one fine day, lying to his wife of 35 years, saying he had to attend a conference he left to be with his daughter and son-in-law.

He did find that love between the two did exist, so that was some hope that the marriage would survive. Only thing was that some amount of guidance was needed and he would provide that.

Meenu was not accommodative, unwilling to others opinion which was wrong. It was always a group effort. True, Rocky’s mother was a bit attention seeker but only if Meenu was patient enough to win over her confidence…. On his part Rocky was too inclined towards his mother. True she was feeling lonely but wasn’t he a husband too? The problem with both of them was both were thinking in terms of ‘me’ and not ‘we’. If only Meenu thought it was ‘ my’ mother-in-law and not his mother. If only Rocky thought of Meenu as ‘my’ wife and my son’s mother things would definitely change.

So Arvind had a frank talk with them. Whatever faults they had, the one good quality they both had was, that they listened.  And another good point was that both of them wanted their relation to survive.


Arvind left their place in two days happy with the fact that they had listened at least. And even if they had listened without their heart in the talk, they would still benefit.


Srila Rupa Goswami in his Nectar of Instructions has written some eleven verses. These verses are primarily guidelines on how to choose a guru, how to practise yoga etc. But Verse 3 can be of utmost importance to a grhasta or a married person.

utsāhān niścayād dhairyāt


In this verse ( I have given only the first two lines) he has given six principles to lead a devotional life. The principles in these two lines are

1. Being enthusiastic

2.Endeavoring with confidence

3.Being patient

Out of this verse the four principles that a husband and wife should share can be deduced as:

a) Appreciation– appreciate each other. Even the smallest good deed. It increases the love between each other.

b) Encourage-each other. Even if the other fails, still encourage.

c) Tolerate and forgive-sometimes we scream, maybe the day is bad or maybe the hormones are acting up- tolerate. Do not hold it in your heart and take revenge later on- forgive.

d) Respect– even if the rose-tinted glasses have broken, respect. Respect the other as an individual.

Hope you like the new dimension of SS.

Image courtesy: free

24 thoughts on “For better or for worse

  1. Bhagyashree,

    This is true picture of many home today. How I wish couples as well as other related persons understand that one needs to think of others also instead ;of having I, Me and Myself attitude. The four principles you told are so valuable. I always say that for any relationship, specially marriage, to be healthy there are four basic principles :

    Mutual Respect, which include respect for other’s near & dear ones also.
    Mutual Trust, which means giving space and not misusing such given space.
    Accepting other as he or she is without making efforts to change him or her but at the same time making efforts to overcome own weak points.
    Two Way Open & Logical Communication without losing temper or using foul language.

    Take care

  2. Really good post, Bhagyashree! The 4 points you have shared will take us a long way in our own marriages. And, i love the new look of SS :). Wish you a very happy new year as well.

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