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48 hours

It was 5 am, I lay on the hospital bed, the past events flashing through my eyes in slow motion; I was to be operated in 3 hours for pituitary adenoma. The whole night nurses had been in and out, to check on me, to put nasal drops, as the operation was an endo nasal one.

I had been quite courageous till last evening, wanting the end of all my problems until the curiosity got better of me and I had asked the assistant neurosurgeon where the tumor was and he in his enthusiasm had pointed it out and then I had known that it lay just below the brain, just in between the eye nerves and then…. I was shaken up. The phone rang just then, it was my husband, work commitments had seen that he could not join me in this crucial moments and so he stayed back in Bahrain while I came down to Vizag for check ups. 8 days back I had been diagnosed with the tumor and then My brother had rushed me to Krishna Institute in Hyderabad for the surgery. I apologised to my husband for any wrongdoings I might have done in the past 2 and a half years. Yes it has just been that much since we had got married.

It must have been some 12 hrs later that I came out of the anaesthesia to a darkened room, a nurse came and asked, Hello how are you’, but apart from her figure i couldn’t see anything. It was then that I started screaming, ‘I can’t see’.

My brother was rushed into the ICU, he asked me ‘ Do you see me?’
I said ‘Yes’
‘What colour shirt am I wearing?’

I opened my eyes wide, concentrated and then said,’Red’.

‘See, you can see’, he said. but I knew something was wrong.
My neurosurgeon came and said ‘Why are you worried, we are there with you, whatever it is, we will solve it.’

And so they stayed with me one after the other throughout the night, holding my hand, murmuring encouragements.

I thought hard, a couple of months back I had a blind spot in my right eye and later when my MRI was taken,, they said I had haemorrhage, maybe I had haemorrhaged again, maybe like the Doc said I would be fine, maybe………

Next day they took me to take a CT scan on the pretext that they had to check whether my surgery was done well and then a nurse came near and said, ‘Madam please sign this consent form’
I screamed,’ How can I, when I can’t see’ The surgeon literally carried her and threw her outside the scan room.

In the afternoon they said that they had to change my nose pack and so were taking me to the Operation theatre, I nodded but knew that I was to be operated again.

Some hours later I woke up to again a darkened room and got scared. My father some time earlier had given me a mantra to recite and had said,’ WHenever you feel afraid recite this, 5 times at least.’

And so I would recite this 5 times and then fall back asleep, then again 5 times and so the cycle continued.

Sometimes in the night I got a shock, something like a shock when my whole body was thrown from the bed and all the equipment attached to my body started jangling, the ICU staff came running, made me sleep again and left. But I noticed that I could see a little.

I got such ‘shocks’ 5 times that night and each time my sight improved. In the morning when the nurse came to clean up the ICU residents, she saw me smiling at her,’ CCCan you see me?’, she asked.
‘Yes I said’, she threw her tray somewhere and ran. Within moments my team was with me hugging me. My neuro surgeon came with a glass of water and said, ‘Now you can drink as much water as you want.’ (the previous two days I was not allowed to drink as my stomach had to be free of fluids for surgery)

I was discharged two days later, my vision was not 100% but I could manage and there was hope that it would improve.

So was it a miracle or was it a medical miracle, I do not know; but I just know that on that fateful night in 2004 I cried out for courage and got much much more.

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Submitting this story for ‘Get your story published in the Chicken Soup for the Indian Soul-A book of miracles at the BlogAdda

A good news

No, I am not pregnant again ( that is not going to happen agian in this janm at least).

I had written a post Terminal for blog adda and Indusladies -Lets combat cancer, my entry has been selected as one of the winners. 😀 🙂

Thanks blogadda and Indus ladies

Terminal?

This is a post in response to blogaddas contest and yes I do not normally take part in contests but this contest is more about creating awareness and that’s what is my intention; in case you are wondering what the contest is; its Lets Combat cancer

This story is about a family friend, a very dear aunty of mine who will always be my source of inspiration. I cannot tell you her name, because for that I will have to take her kith and kin’s approval and that will take time.
At an age when you are worried about career politics or why your kids are not eating well or studying well, she was diagnosed with tumor in the uterus.
After which she took care to get herself annually checked up. And so in her early 40s a routine mammogram showed up what she feared, she had breast cancer. And so followed a routine of examinations, chemotherapy and what not. Finally it came to a point where one of her breasts was removed.
For a third-party when such news is conveyed, he/ she will respond with statements like good that it was diagnosed at an warly stage or that what happens if a breast is removed, at least the disease got arrested etc. But is it so easy? A normal person can never imagine living with one eye or one foot or one hand is or in this case a single breast is. Can you imagine how traumatic it is, to wear a dress, a blouse and feel the emptiness. Yes you can wear padding, but is it the same? And the pain she felt when she tried to raise her hands.
And then the cancer was arrested. For 5 years she went for regular check ups, took medicines and was finally told that there was no cause for worry any more. Oh what joy, what happiness and what celebrations. And she did everything she wanted to do the last 5 years , she played badminton, she travelled, she partied, but it left a pain in her back.
Yes, she again went for check ups and was diagnosed with cancer of the backbone and it spread, spread like fire.
Again the check ups, again the chemotherapy.
I myself was going through a low phase then. I knew that something was wrong but did not know what.
And I meet this lady, bald but serene and she tells me; ‘I am going to dress in a trouser suit, wear a hat and then I will be ‘bald and beautiful’.
I looked at her and felt myself flooded with love and respect for her and resollved that whatever be wrong with me, I am going to fight it out.
Two years later she died. Yes she missed out on a lot of things, like seeing her grandchild, to be with her husband in his twilight. We all still mourn her loss but she taught us so many lessons, to live life by moments, to do what you dream of, to be smiling always.

There are a couple of things which we all should take care of;
First to get ourselves medically examined annually.
Not to neglect any recurring pains etc
Lastly to get ourselves medically insured. Cancer is such a disease that it leaves a big hole in our pockets. In my case I was young and naive when I was diagnosed with adenoma and didn’t have medical insurance. (And now no company is ready to cover me, that’s another story)
When anyone is diagnosed with cancer, the first question asked is whether its terminal, but ultimately it depends on us whether we want to terminate the disease or our life.