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Alone?

‘I want to see what all happens, it is an once in a lifetime experience’ , said my mother on the phone. I sighed. My mother was hesitant to go alone. The temple in their community was going to have a Garuda dhwaja installed amidst a  lot of rituals. And my mother was hesitant to witness it, alone. I look at myself . The Arabian Sea seperates the husband and me. Everything from finances to education to day to day wars I am managing alone. In far off Mumbai my sister wages a war against cancer alone. Is there anyone really with us, I think.

‘Amma, if you want to attend, you go; don’t worry that you are alone. Just do it’, I say.

I know it is not easy for her. For 56 years she and my father have been together. Never had she taken any decision alone.  Will it ever be easy for her taking these decisions alone, I wonder.

My father had passed away last April after being bedridden for 15 months. I had gone to meet him in March end. He was frail. I had trouble identifying my father who had terrorised us with his persona and voice. Somewhete there was a grudge in me. Growing up I was his pet but as years advanced he was relying more on my brother. That irritated me. And then when I was there he had an upset stomach and started vomitting incessantly. One day I went and sat with him. He looked disturbed . I asked, ”what happened Papa?’ After some minutes he replied,’ I am afraid’. And then I underrstood that the man who had tirelessly answered my questions was today seeking answers from me.

” Don’t worry papa you will not be alone, the Lord is waiting for you,’ I said. He still looked dissatisfied. I said again, your mother must be waiitng for you papa, your sisters,  your brother….

You wont be alone,  I said.

He sighed

‘Keep chanting papa. Krishna says whoever remembers Him in the last moment goes back to Him’ , I said.

He turned his face the other way. Obviously angry that I wished him to leave his body. I continued, ‘ Papa everyone has to leave the body some day. When the body becones useless.’

He didn’t soeak to me after that. When we were about to leave, I touched his feet.  Amma told him that I was going to be with my husband. He blessed me.

Two weeks later, we got the message that he passed away. Just before leaving the body he had chanted Ramdhun.

For many months I felt guilty. But then I reconciled, someone had to do it.

But somehow I believe even at that moment I was not alone. He had guided me.

Chimera

Reblogging an old story

Searching Self

Amu and Sakhi were tidying up the house and having a nice time too. Sakhi is Amu’s sister in law; that is her brother’s wife. But an outsider will probable take them to be sisters. So nice is their camaraderie. Ever since Amu lost her family in a road accident she has lived with her brother and his family. Her  mother too stays with them. It is Amu who notices her mother nodding her hand and waving her finger, and she says, ‘Bhabhi, ask Maa to do some work?’ Sakhi understandingly calls our,’Ammaji, can you cut some palak for me’

‘No, I won’t, why should I? It is your home, you do it”

In a far of land Nimmi and Vimmo are having a nice time. Nimmi sings a song accompanied with the harmonium; Vimmi dances. The song ends, the dance ends and both of them start giggling.

‘Maa, why…

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Fame and its baggage’s #FFFAW

Benoy sat impatiently as Arosi tried the nth shoe.

‘Don’t you have anything good here.? These are all so….common’, said Arosi to the salesman. ‘Common….Huh,’ Benoy thought, ‘as if she was born in royalty. She was a common girl from Khargulli when I had picked her up, trained her and made into a star and look at her histrionics now’, he thought.

The star stuck salesman had meanwhile run away to get another pair of stilettos. For him Arosi was the ideal. From a lowly background she had stuck gold, she was the hope of millions like him.

‘Stupid boy, this is what I wanted,’ holding the red stilettos,’Why did you show me the cheap ones earlier’.

The salesman though, didn’t like the way she spoke and thought , ‘Even If I became rich and powerful I will never lose my humility’ while Benoy was thinking, ‘Fame and money destroys the best of people’.

(155 words)

This story is written for the 176th Flash fiction for Aspiring writers. The challenge is to write a story on the picture prompt for 100-150 words (+- 25 words). Thanks to Priceless Joy for hosting the challenge. Thanks also to Yinglan who provided this weeks picture.

Pakhi has a new classmate

This is one of my earliest post. Reblogging it today

Searching Self

It was the first day of Standard 6 and Section B, Pakhi’s section was buzzing. Pakhi sat content and smiling happy to be with her classmates again when there was a sudden hush and the Principal arrived along with their class teacher, Mrs Fernandes and a boy- a lanky boy with a lopsided grin.

“Good morning,class”, she said.

“Good morning Madam”, they chorused.

“Well we have with us Aditya a new entrant to our school. He is a special child of God so be nice and kind to him. Wish you the very best for this school term” she said and was gone

Special child, aren’t we all special to God wondered Pakhi.

“Abhishek will you please move to the next bench and Aditya will sit with Pakhi”, said Mrs Fernandes. Ugh thought Pakhi, she hated changes. Abhishek and she gelled well and now he was being moved.
When school…

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Amma o amma

Searching Self

Amma was fiddling with the pallu of her sari. Appa came in and asked,’What happened, no coffee, no breakfast and you are sitting here fiddling with your sari?’

‘Visakha has not called since so many days…’

‘Come on, she is a married woman now, she has responsibilities. She can’t keep calling you every now and then. Now go and make some coffee, you know I don’t function well without your coffee’

‘And what will you do if I die tomorrow,’ she said in anger but still got up and went into the kitchen.

‘Then I will search another like you and get married again,’ Appa said and guffawed.

Amma banged a steel tumbler on the kitchen counter.

Visakha had been born after a complicated pregnancy and an even more complicated delivery. The umbilical cord had been entangled around her neck and had the C-section not been in time, she would…

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Finding roots

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The flowers beckon me. It’s a new place….everything is new but the tree makes me feel at home. Growing up in a small town with lots of greenery all around, my mind had always yearned for a place where I could stretch out of  my balcony or window and touch a leaf.

past month has been hectic. I have left the place I called home for the past 15 years and moved back to  my motherland. A land which has transformed drastically and now has little resemblance to my memories. But still is a place which is my own.

As I take my son along familiar routes and explain to him. He looks at me and says, ‘You love India a lot don’t you’. And though I pride on that; I know how he feels. He has left the only place which he called his home and is struggling now to find his roots. My heart aches for him but i know that one day he too will feel the same love that I feel for this country which is ours.

Bidding adieu

Yesterday someone asked me for the name of some book….I tried hard to remember it but could not. Maybe age is catching up but then I remembered that I had mentioned it in my blog and so came down here and started browsing. And then memories came flooding by. How active I used to be. I remember there used to be at least a 100 posts a year.

Yes, priorities change. when Searching self was born, I was doing just that…’Searching self’. But then when I found my true calling the writing reduced or rather it moved to other avenues. But when I read through my old posts I was inspired. Am I a narcissist….who knows; maybe.

But then there are people who have been writing blogs for quite a long time. I really admire them. Consistently writing for a long time is really an art. Some of them have evolved into professional writers; maybe that helps.

2016 is about to end and a New Year beckons. Personally there will be a lot of changes. I just hope that everything happens smoothly.

So here is wishing you all a Very Happy New Year and hopefully lots of writing in 2017