Tag Archive | free write ups

Musings

The weather has suddenly turned cold. What was a moderate weather till now, is suddenly cold and moist. Lethargy creeps in and all you want to do is curl up in your quilt and sleep.

As I go to wake the son, I feel a pinch of guilt, he is in his dreamland, fast asleep, should I be the villain and break his reverie…but then school is essential too and I call out his name. He for a change, waked up in a jiffy. I wonder the lethargy that I feel in this cold, is it just me??

I hear the sounds of the hookah, someone is feeling cold and is trying to be warm. I smile, so it is not me alone.

I long for summer, when this bitterness will go away and I can walk straight but then in summer I will lament that I have to use the A/c. And then I will long for times when I can  breathe in some fresh air.

But then we adults are we ever satisfied.

I see a car turning inside our road and stop. The driver gets out and goes somewhere. A cat purrs contentedly, goes underneath the car and sleeps, obviously the warmth of the machine will heat her up. I smile for simple joys.

Picture courtesy Bahrain news agency

To be or not to be…

I often wonder if 16-17 is the right age to select a stream or a career. The reason being my own dismal career graph. As soon as I had started working I had realised that I was not made for it.

Yes, there are many who have clear ideas as to what to do and when and luckily their plans do fall into place but what about others. They just have to carry on or if some are lucky enough they change tracks.

But then success is relative. For some success is a fat balance in the bank, for some it is the satisfaction and for some listening to the inner calling. Who am I judge, to each his own.

Its only lately that I have realised that I enjoy teaching. To be with young minds, vibrating with their enthusiasm is something which gives me a lot of joy. And then I feel for all the lost time. Maybe if teaching had been my first choice, today I would have been a good position in some school or college. But no, I have discovered that I enjoy the most when I am amidst a limited set of people. Crowds make me claustrophobic. And then if the topic is to do with spirituality, there is nothing that is more satisfying.

We each have special talents and everything is destined to happen at a certain time. It is juista a matter of waiting for the right time with faith and confidence.

I am what I was meant to be. Thats all that matters.

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Indulged in some free writing. I know I promised a story….soon….very soon.

Random thoughts and free write ups

Expectations are a curse, but can one live without expecting. It hurts especially if you feel that someone whom you are very attached to or someone from whom you do  not hide anything, is not so open with you. You know, hides facts, does not reciprocate and then you submerge yourself in self-pity.

The expectation that the world will function as you want… but why should anyone follow your will or your dictates, everyone has their own feelings, their own better sense to guide them.

But why this sudden thought on expectations. Two things basically. A person close to me always hides facts. Now that hurts. Why, I think. But then why not. For me the person is important, for her it may not be so. I may be just another individual in her vast entourage of friends.

Another used to talk to me when there was no one around. I foolishly believed that I mattered to her. Until a couple of times amidst a group she ignored me totally and then reality stuck. The same person would tell me repeatedly that I am wasting my time by not earning. ‘But I write’, I said. Writing is OK as a hobby but it doesn’t pay, she retorted.

Why don’t I work is a mystery to myself. Maybe because I really do not have the stamina to balance a house and a career. Or that I never found the satisfaction that I get from reading scriptures or teaching children. Yes, I can be a teacher but for that I need to do a B.ed and will I have the same enthusiasm when I teach for money, I really do not know.

As I finish my homely chores and sit with my books jotting notes, highlighting points, it fills me with peace. I feel happy when I see the mysteries of life unfolding. The analogies which bring forth dimensions not yet thought by Me, fill me with anticipation as to what else it may mean. And when I close down the books, they remain in my subconscious, going up and down like waves and then sometimes a new thought strikes. Aah what joy that moment holds.

Yes, I can be alone. I do need company but hopefully I will grow up one day and realize that you can be friends and yet not expect. Be connected and yet remain aloof. I may be termed as a recluse but then now I have enough inner peace to cling on and be strong. ___________________________________________________________

There… that is what I wrote in 15 minutes. Write tribe has this free write theme for this week. A prompt which suited fine for the avalanche of thoughts that were going on in my mind.

Write Tribe

Thank you Suzy for helping me sort out my thoughts.