Tag Archive | parenting

Sweet angel II

first part here

Our relationship had changed after my illness. We were in more friendly terms now.

I obeyed her and she obeyed me and so there was harmony but can there be any peace.

The husband had become grouchy. Even though I tried to probe, he refused to answer me.

The seventh day I just could not take it. I closed the bedroom door and asked what the matter was.

‘Why are you bothered? Go finish your assignment or go chat with Akhila?’, he said

Then I understood that he was being jealous and tried to pacify him. ‘No Heena. I understand that once we have kids, this is what is going to happen. You will be busy with yourself and completely neglect me’.

That set me thinking. It was such a tough job balancing relationships.

That weekend was long as there was a national festival, it was an opportune time for bonding and I planned an outing. Akhila would have finished her exam and we could just relax.

We went to the beach. The weather was good. The sun and the sand and the water helped us to get closer. I looked at Anand. He understood children so well. As both of them made sand dunes. I sat far away observing them.

Motherhood always scared me. Anand and me have been married for seven years and though everyone has stopped asking us when we will have kids, I know Anand yearns for a family of his own. Was I being selfish by denying a child to Anand, I didn’t know. I didn’t want a child just for having a child. I wanted to be a perfect mother.

But I was learning…..You could learn to be good along with your kid.. A kid can be a wonderful teacher. I was learning every day with Akhila.

As we relaxed on the beach, I realised that in these two weeks we had become family. Though Anand had been grouchy, he was completely in his element now. As I sat thinking our eyes met and locked. He understood me and smiled. I smiled back.

‘Do you want me to go somewhere else, so that you could keep on smiling’, it was Akhila and we started tickling her so that she was rolling in the sand.

And then Anand’s phone rang.

He answered it and all the  color from his face disappeared.

Akhila’s mother was serious, we had to rush to her town.

(to be continued)

 

I believe….(II)

image source:google images

For five years one’s son should be pampered, the next ten years he should be beaten (meaning he should be disciplined) and once he turns sixteen he should be treated as a friend

Chanakya

I am curious to know what would have been Chanakya’s reaction when a certain celebrity and his father partied for long and then the father cleared the road so that the son could ‘run’ his car. You might say that it was good that the road was cleared or else there would have been casualties. True but then why did the father allow the son to get high??

I  mean isn’t there a difference between being friendly and being friends. Does being friends mean to share the same mug of beer or puff  the same cigarette?

Long ago when sending girls to college was not an ‘in’ thing, a girl was sent to do her postgraduate in a far-off well-known college. When she came home for the first vacation, her mother asked, ‘koi ladka mila kya?’ (Did you meet any boy). Obviously meaning that do you have a boyfriend?

The girl’s answer, ‘Ladke kya aloo pyaj hain jo sadak pe mil jayenge’ (Are boys onion or potatoes whom you can meet on the road?)

Apt answer I feel. Later she had an arrange marriage and remained in that marriage.

No, I am not propagating arranged marriage either.

The point I am making is there is a difference between being friendly and being friends. In the first case; the father was being friends and in the second; the mother was being friendly. In the first, the father should have realized that stopping his son from being high was his responsibility. In the second, the mother was gently asking whether her daughter had found somebody.

Do you share everything with all your friends. I don’t think so. Maybe you tell everything to one or two, with others you reserve a bit, don’t you? For all practical purposes it isn’t possible to share everything even with your spouse. There is a little bit you hold back from him/ her too.

So it is with children. You be friends and yet not be. The relationship should be comfortable and yet it should not be that comfortable that you are on back-slapping terms. The sanctity of parenthood should be maintained.

Let me illustrate with an example. As teenagers we love adventures or like to take risks. Lets assume that you filch an apple from the grocers. Not that you are hungry but just for the fun of it. You may go and brag about your accomplishment to your friends but however friendly you are with your parents you would be hesitant to tell your parents. Because after all what you did was wrong.

Even if you go and tell your parents about it, it is the parents responsibility to correct you and tell that you are wrong. Not say ‘wow’ and do a HI5.

Being friendly with our children does not give us the liberty to forget our duty of raising responsible children.

Krishna and Arjuna were good friends. But in his heart Arjuna always knew that Krishna was not an ordinary being and always respected him as a father. And so we see when Arjuna refuses to fight on the battlefield of Kurukshetra, Krishna guides Arjuna on to the right path. And yet when Bhisma attacks Arjuna full on, Krishna takes a broken wheel to fight Bhisma. That for me is the ideal relation between a father and son/ daughter. That of being a friend, a guide and a protector.

Disclaimer: the views expressed here are entirely my own and not meant to hurt anyone.