Tag Archive | perfectionist

Occupational hazards

‘And so he just gave me a look and went on with his work. Imagine, here I was trying to make this day so special and he did not even acknowledge me and………’

That was my friend Priya. Being a marriage counsellor had its minuses. Friends, neighbours all assumed that I was ever ready to listen to their complaints and problems. But seriously I was not.

After putting in 10-12 hours at work handling cases, working with the police, the women cell, I really wanted to have some peace time at home. And didn’t I have a family of mine to cater for? But nobody thought so.

Today for example, I was planning to rearrange my room while my hubby and my teenage daughter were away. They had gone to watch Tintin and i had deliberately stayed behind, because  I so very wanted to arrange my room and here was Priya.

Priya and me had been together in high school. A very talented person and a beautician by profession. Her problem was she was a perfectionist and also that her expectations were always high from her family.

Her husband Rakesh on the other hand was a very loving balanced person. But he was ‘unattached’ . In modern terminology we may say that his EQ was low but no he was not. He just did not expect anything from anybody, neither did he understand why Priya expected so much from  him.

‘Tell me Sukriti, will it hurt him if he says that the dinner was good that the arrangement was nice, but no, he just ate what was in the plate, asked for seconds, yes he did lick his fingers but no,no words. When I asked why don’t you ever appreciate, he said, what do you want; a certificate?’, and then she just burst into tears.

‘Priya, he must be having work tensions na, don’t bother him’, I said

‘But am I not a human too. Can’t he talk to me. Can’t he share his problems with me? ‘

I sighed. Marriage was really a complicated affair. Understanding an individual was so difficult. Priya wanted attention. Rakesh wanted space.  If only she let him some space and if only he gave her a little bit of attention, the whole problem would be solved.

And so I started on my routine- How men and women were emotionally different, they had different needs-blah blah blah.

And then the phone rang.

‘Hello Rakesh….. Dinner yes…..9pm sure, I will be there’.

‘Sukriti’, She said bubbling, ‘Rakesh wants me to be with him for some official dinner. I have to go; I have to get ready’, and she vanished.

Sigh. All the troubles I took…. sigh… I could rather have gone to see Tintin…sigh