When I read/ hear women saying that as soon as their baby was put in their arms they forgot all the pain of childbirth, it leaves me confused. Confused because it did not happen that way with me. When I heard my baby’s cries, I just felt relief, relief that finally it was all over. And then when everyone was oohing and aahing over the baby, I felt totally neglected and felt was all the process worth it?
When I retrospect I feel that maybe I was afraid to bond. Afraid because my whole life has played hide and seek with desires. Whatever I wished for , I have never got, until I adjusted to being happy with what I got.
I had conceived earlier too but miscarried at the fifth month. Later I was diagnosed and operated for pituitary adenoma. So when We wanted to have a baby, I was kept on hormonal injections because my body no longer produced some of the requisite hormones. After taking injections for almost a year, I conceived but then also there was this fear that I may miscarry.
So when my son was born, it took me a lot of time to accept that he was my own……
My pregnancy was confirmed when I was on vacation in India which meant that I stayed there for the entire period and later too. So when I returned home there was a lot to do. which meant it took some more time to bond.
But all that is in the past, today when I look at his face, I feel only love, so much that sometimes it bring tears to my eyes and when I have to be strict with him I die a hundred deaths.
I am still learning. Learning to be
- patient,
- control my temper
- innovative-both in teaching and cooking
- most important that however perfect he seems to me, nobody really is perfect and to accept him as he is.
Searching Self 
The highest form of unconditional love I guess is between a mother and her child. However I feel its the process of raising a child is what makes her emotionally involved with it, more than giving birth. However the experience of housing the little one in your body for months and see him/her emerge adds a special effect to this bonding.
yes very true
I have never stayed away from my daughter even for a day these past 7 and a half years until about a week ago. She stayed with my Mother (who stays some 30-40min away) for a couple of days and I nearly went crazy thinking about what she would be doing at some particular time of the day! And when she comes back home, she is back to giving me orders and driving me up the wall… such is motherhood and Im loving every second of it 🙂
Oh yes the first day my son went to nursery and I kept on thinking what he might be doing and whether he too was missing me(selfish I know ;))
Interesting experience! I guess each person’s experience with parenthood are different based on what transpires before and around the birth. You went through a tough pregnancy and hence the apprehensions. Being a mother is so beautiful!
yes it took me a long time to accept that I had a CHild and yes its wonderful to be a mom
Being happy with what one gets is the mantra to happiness.Little ones bring a delight in our life and teach us to love someone more than self.
yes, they make us forget our pains. life thru a kids eyes is wonderful 😀
Lovely article i can ditto on things you were trying.
🙂