Random thoughts and free write ups

Expectations are a curse, but can one live without expecting. It hurts especially if you feel that someone whom you are very attached to or someone from whom you doย  not hide anything, is not so open with you. You know, hides facts, does not reciprocate and then you submerge yourself in self-pity.

The expectation that the world will function as you want… but why should anyone follow your will or your dictates, everyone has their own feelings, their own better sense to guide them.

But why this sudden thought on expectations. Two things basically. A person close to me always hides facts. Now that hurts. Why, I think. But then why not. For me the person is important, for her it may not be so. I may be just another individual in her vast entourage of friends.

Another used to talk to me when there was no one around. I foolishly believed that I mattered to her. Until a couple of times amidst a group she ignored me totally and then reality stuck. The same person would tell me repeatedly that I am wasting my time by not earning. ‘But I write’, I said. Writing is OK as a hobby but it doesn’t pay, she retorted.

Why don’t I work is a mystery to myself. Maybe because I really do not have the stamina to balance a house and a career. Or that I never found the satisfaction that I get from reading scriptures or teaching children. Yes, I can be a teacher but for that I need to do a B.ed and will I have the same enthusiasm when I teach for money, I really do not know.

As I finish my homely chores and sit with my books jotting notes, highlighting points, it fills me with peace. I feel happy when I see the mysteries of life unfolding. The analogies which bring forth dimensions not yet thought by Me, fill me with anticipation as to what else it may mean. And when I close down the books, they remain in my subconscious, going up and down like waves and then sometimes a new thought strikes. Aah what joy that moment holds.

Yes, I can be alone. I do need company but hopefully I will grow up one day and realize that you can be friends and yet not expect. Be connected and yet remain aloof. I may be termed as a recluse but then now I have enough inner peace to cling on and be strong. ___________________________________________________________

There… that is what I wrote in 15 minutes. Write tribe has this free write theme for this week. A prompt which suited fine for the avalanche of thoughts that were going on in my mind.

Write Tribe

Thank you Suzy for helping me sort out my thoughts.

34 thoughts on “Random thoughts and free write ups

  1. I was thinking about expectations yesterday. When they are not fulfilled, it hurts. But you can’t help expecting, can you? Only thing is to try to not expect much. When you don’t expect anything, every thing is a surprise. And surprises are good. Well, mostly…..

  2. Expectations! That one thing that I believe are potent enough to ruin relationships. I was once told something that can give you solace when you enter into relationships, when you place your trust in someone or when your heart is broken. That everyone in this world is selfish. They act or behave in a particular manner because that is what suits them at that point. A mother loves a baby because it is her child, or she is planning to raise the baby as her child. Would she love another baby in the same fierce manner that she loves her kid? Maybe not.
    I have a tough time believing this. But the person who told me does and he seems fine no matter what happens. Just sharing with you ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • I cannot believe it either but then it is true isn’t it. There is nothing like selfless love, there is a bit of selfishness in everything. But expecting respect or sharing thoughts is expected, now how to be expectation-free in friendships or relationships??

  3. Ah, expectations; and the worst of it is when your own expectations of yourself fall short; or is it that you expect too much of yourself. Oneself, I mean. I remember a friend who would always say, ‘Expectations reduce joy!” But, to expect , that is indeed human too!

  4. Oh wow, that was some free write. In life I’ve finally learned not to expect anything. And hence I’m not disappointed. It keeps things simple and straightforward. Thanks for writing on my prompt.

  5. Your random thoughts are indeed golden thoughts.Although you have written in first person,it carries a message for all.Ignore what others say or feel about you,do what you like best sincerely,live your life according to your desire and expect little from others without being a recluse is the kernel of your write up.A powerful advice indeed.

    • I was merely penning my thoughts. The timer was in front of me and I wrote with an eye on the clock. SO the last 3 minutes were spent in summing up. I am glad that it came out well

  6. As a holder of a degree in Economics, I worked as an analyst and teacher. Unfortunately, I wasn’t getting fulfillment and what’s the point working for me. Sometimes, we expect from a friend but they were never friends in the first place. We are disappointed but then, such people hardly matter. Beautifully written, Bhagyaashree:)

  7. I know it is hard and almost unattainable, but the way to true happiness is not to expect anything from anybody and just live each moment fully

  8. I don’t usually expect much and then when nothing happens I am not devastated but when nice things too I feel even more abundantly blessed. You and I sound a lot alike.

  9. Well I am not the best person to talk about expectations when I have never come good when someone expects of me and I never have anyone come up to my expectations…kinda balance each other dont they?….anyways write …i stopped writing and I feel hollow…keep writing live for your heart…the peace you will achieve cannot be achieved by the money bills

  10. been there, experienced that!! and that’s when i learnt that i can be a good friend but i don’t want to expect anything in return…and now i find that i cannot, just cannot share any of my feelings with anyone, i don’t want to actually… but yes, writing is definitely a catharsis …

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